funny coach stories
this isnt a personal story but i saw it on another MB and had to share it
"This was my sophomore year of high school.
It was a tournament at our home rink. In the semifinal game, we were up by a fairly healthy margin (3 goals or something like that) against a fairly closely competitive team at the 2nd intermission. We were pretty relaxed, and our assistant coach thought we might be letting up.
He tells us a story about his dog. One day, they were setting the table for dinner. All of a sudden, his dog jumped up onto the table, grabbed the stick of butter, and gulped it down.
In his words, "he didn't stop halfway and say, 'oh, I'm done;' he didn't leave a bite saying, 'meh, I had enough;' he ate the whole ******ing stick of butter. Now go out there, and FINISH THAT STICK OF BUTTER!"
For some reason, it got us ridiculously riled up. We played extraordinarily well, and we wound up winning by 8ish goals to advance to the finals.
For the finals, he gave us a pre-game speech. Keep in mind this is one of those high school assistant coaches that knows next to nothing about the game, calls out the defensive pairs as written on a piece of paper, and pushes pucks around during practice.
The speech started out just like any other speech. Sitting in an inflatable Jar-Jar Binks chair in the middle of the locker room, with the Braveheart soundtrack softly playing in the background over the locker room stero, reading us The Giving Tree. You know - just a normal pre-game speech.
When he finally finished reading the book, he stood up and gave (nearly word for word) this speech:
"Somewhere in Africa, there is a starving child.
Somewhere in China, there is a sick mother.
Somewhere in Alaska, there is a freezing Eskimo.
"But you know what? There are no starving children out there! Trust me - if there were, I'd buy 'em a hot dog. Heck - I'd buy them two!
There are no sick mothers out there! If there were, I'd give them an Aspirin.
There are no freezing Eskimos out there! If there were, I'd give him this sweater vest.
"All that's out there is some ice, a puck, two goals, and 20 guys who want to kick your a*s!" (By this point, he's screaming at the top of his lungs)
At this point, he calmly walks over to the Jar-Jar chair, looks at us pensively, and proceeds to kick it across the room... then body slam it... then jump on it and pound its face with his fists (think: Michael Bolton vs. the copy machine in Office Space).
He then calmly gets off of the chair once he made his point and says, "if that's not motivational..." and whipped out a stick of butter, and continued (while shoving the whole thing in his mouth) "THEN THIS SURE AS HE*L IS!"
Yes, he actually downed an entire stick of butter to prove a point to us.
I think that was the best game we played all season... by far, with the possible exception of the 3rd period of the previous game.
Sorry for the long post, but it was necessary... by far the funniest thing I've ever seen a coach do, and it worked."