Black Biscuit Contest 2

[RichardGraham]

CONTEST!

Inline Hockey Central and Black Biscuit are proud to announce a new contest on Inline Hockey Central. Black Biscuit has graciously offered some very cool Biscuit clothing as contest prizes.

The contest is open only to registered readers of Inline Hockey Central's Message Board.

This contest will award three IHC readers their choice of a cool Black Biscuit T-shirt (blue or black, long sleeve or short sleeve) or a hip knitted black beanie.

To win, readers must post a Top-10 List pertaining to inline hockey on the Inline Hockey Central Message Board. The best three entries submitted by Sunday, October 15 at 6 p.m. PST will win. The entries will be judged by the Inline Hockey Central staff for humor, cleverness, wit, taste and topicality. If there are fewer than 10 entries, no prizes will be awarded. (Let's make this contest challenging, shall we?)

Good luck!

People affiliated with Black Biscuit and Inline Hockey Central ARE eligible for this contest. After all, it's about wit, not who you know :)

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[calihockey]

hmmmm...and who's the judge and will all be wondering at the next tournament how rich has a new black biscuit shirt. just playin with ya rich!

[lhi]

Splinters? Where are ya?

[Keg]

Top 10 Reasons to visit IHC
10. To see how high people rank their own college team
(we know u feel like number one, but are u really?)
9. To see if there are any contests(like this one)
8. There isn't any websites for roller hockey better than IHC?
7. Who needs school when all the info I need is right here
6. I dont have a credit card for all the "good" porn sites
5. To see if there any posts from people that I know
4. To see if i actually know an answer to someones post(this never happens)
3. What else is there to do when i am not playing hockey?
2. If I didn't read on here then i would never read and the 3 years in high school
of hookt on fonix would have went to waste.
1. Roller Hockey is a way of life without it there is nothing. So here I can talk
about it with other hockey maniacs

Chaye Bardell

[AndrewMacMillan]

In reference to your #10 -- would you be interested in joining the collegerollerhockey.com top 10 poll as a voting member? Email me at [email protected] You can even rank your team #1.

apm

Andrew MacMillan

[macmill1]

Top ten things wrong with 'Pro Beach Hockey':
10: Ramps
9: If I caught myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.
8: Um, those aren't pants. Nice try
7: Ramps
6: Seriously, v-forms??
5: Save the stupid team names for the MLS
4: How many points can I get if I don't watch from behind the arc?
3: Come on, really, ramps?
2: They really shouldn't compete w/ the 3AM infomercials? What can possibly beat the ab-roller and the showtime rotisserie oven?
1: Nice Balls

Alan MacMillan
MSU Alumni

[RichardGraham]

Hi Cali,

The large IHC staff will judge the contest, naturally. However, if I do post a Top-10 list, I'll let IHC's readers determine whether my entry is Top-3 Top-10 worthy... fair enough?

And if I win, I'll wear my new Black Biscuit gear with pride!

But first, I'll have to enter the contest, won't I?

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[RichardGraham]

Top 10 Reasons Roller is Better then Ice:

10. Shoulder pads come in womens clothing
09. 2-1 is a soccer score
08. Red line, blue line, who gives a !@#$
07. Sponsors. Sponsors. Sponsors.
06. Chicks hate cold ice rinks
05. North American Ice Hockey Championships?
04. 10 full grown men in a 'zone' is a little more like Ann Arbor than I am used to
03. They have garter belts at Victoria Secret
02. Defense? we don't need no stinkin' defense
01. Just try a neutral zone trap

apm
Andrew MacMillan

****

Posted in correct thread by....

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[Mike_D]

Inappropriate post. Mike, please change #2 and repost. Thank you.<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by RichardGraham on 10/12/00 04:11 PM.</EM></FONT></P>

[isurollerboy]

Inappropriate post. Too many instances to repair :) Sorry.<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by RichardGraham on 10/12/00 04:15 PM.</EM></FONT></P>

[John_S_Osborne]

From the home offices in Philadelphia, PA...

"Top Ten Signs You Might Be a Collegiate Roller Hockey Player"
--------------------------------------------------------------

10. You've been kicked off of your "rink" by tennis players.
9. You've used a crushed beer can for a puck.
8. Your practice facility has a floor that teams from third world countries wouldn't
play on, but you say, "It's cheap, we'll play."
7. You find sleeping on your equipment bag comfortable.
6. You've traded hockey equipment for food with a teammate at a restaurant between games because you don't have any money.
5. "Midget Tossing" and "Bikini Car Wash" sound like excellent, family-oriented fundraising ideas.
4. Two words: check request.
3. You finish a hockey game and go play your "other sport": beer pong.
2. You've ever used your equipment bag to sneak alcohol into a dorm and been caught because it smelt so bad that security made you open it thinking you had a body in it.

And the #1 sign you might be a collegiate roller hockey player...
1. The word "Huck" actually means something to you and isn't just a mispronounciation of another word.



---
John S. Osborne
Drexel University Roller Hockey Club

[RichardGraham]

Top-10 Reasons We Miss Splinters

10. He writes GREAT top-10 lists.
9. Splinters is a great e-mail name for a hockey fan.
8. He keeps the bench warm for us real players.
7. He speaks that quaint Canadian language.
6. The Message Board is more lively when he posts.
5. His entries would raise the quality of this contest.
4. "Splinters" is a better hockey name than "shards" or "fiber."
3. The more people posting good messages on IHC the better.
2. Did I say he writes GREAT top-10 lists?

and finally, the number one reason we miss Splinters:

1. His Top-10 Lists are almost as good as mine.

Did I win?

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[Mike_D]

What, too subtle?

Top 10 indications that your getting upset when your playing roller hockey.

1. You believe that the other team is jealous because the voices are talking to you not them!
2. You are starting to take the saying ?second place is the first loser? personally.
3. You honestly believe that good teammates will help you move and really good teammates will help you move bodies.
4. You?re running out of places to hide the bodies
5. You think some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
6. You realize that an opposing team member is depriving some poor village of its IDIOT!
7. Because you rationalize hitting someone by saying ?He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged?
8. Because you remember that you only carry $20.00 worth of ammunition in your equipment bag
9. You believe your upset stomach is due to a slight case of mood poisoning, and attribute it to something you hate.
10. You think the works of Pablo Naruda concerning ?laughter as the language of the soul? is the biggest load of crap you have ever heard in your life.

[RichardGraham]

Hi Mike,

Yeah, too subtle, that's the ticket... :)

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[seanlarkin]

Top Ten Things You Hear Coming Out of the Mouth of an Ice Hockey Player Trying to Play Roller Hockey.

(Before you continue, I'd just like to state that this list is for humorous purposes, and doesn't reflect upon the entire ice hockey community. However, this list is specifically for that one guy that we've all played with or against, who is devoted to ice, has no talent, and certainly, no brain.) Here we go...

10. "My hockey hose are way cooler than those ugly pants everyone is wearing."

9. "...but I'm the right wing. I can't go anywhere but the right side"

8. "What do you mean there's no offsides? That's so dumb!"

7. "Grrr. DAMN pucks!!!"

6. "Why don't you try playing checking?"

5. "Grrr. DAMN wheels!!!"

4. "It's so HOT!"

3. "Playing on ice is so much better."

2. "If this were ice hockey, I would rule."

and finally, the number one thing heard coming out of the mouth of an ice hockey player trying to play roller hockey is........

1. "BOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

-Sean Larkin

http://www.wtsherrill.com/images/sean.jpg

[macmill1]

The top-ten reasons that roller hockey is better than sex:

10: uhh, roller is better because..ummmm..nope
9: In roller you can...uhhh...that's not true either..
8: well....this seemed like a good idea...
7: But....no, not really
6: Seriously, there's got to be something.....really..
5: oh...hey...you're never too drunk to play roller hockey? maybe?
4: yeah, uh...nah
3: really, who am I kidding?
2: sorry, not gonna happen
1: uh, um, I got nothin'


Alan MacMillan
MSU Alumni

[RichardGraham]

Hi Folks,

There were only nine entries in the second Black Biscuit contest, and I asked for 10. Therefore, the contest is open until we get at least one more entry. Get creative, people! Sheesh. Should I make it a Top-3 List? Is it really true that hockey players can't read? Come on! :)

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[Mike_D]

Is there a conciliation prize?

Top 10 reasons you might be a Redneck Roller Hockey player:

10. You have the ?Stars and Bars? taped to your helmet.
9. You don?t consider hockey tape as an accessory, but as a way of life.
8. Your team consists entirely of your kin.
7. After you win a tournament you?re fans, which are also made up entirely of your kin, stand up and discharge there side arms with the ?Bonnie Blue Flag? playing in the background.
6. You consider the Hanson Brothers as the Second Coming of the Lord.
5. You?re blue ribbon cow Betsy makes it to all of your games.
4. You have ever found it necessary to re-use an item in a Top 10 list on IHC.
3. You have ever been reprimanded for an inappropriate post on IHC.
2. The teeth you?re missing are not due to a hockey-related incident but that pesky Depleted Uranium Hexafluoride that is being dumped under your practice facility.
1. You have found it necessary to stand in reverence when you where reading item number 6.

[Gillies11]

Top Ten Reasons Roller Hockey Is Better Than Ice Hockey:

#10 You can glide way more
#9 You can skate around with your head down all game and never get hit
#8 Defense becomes obselete
#7 When you say you got 4 pts people admire you (even though the score was 11-9)
#6 No Offsides, You can have a chat with the other teams goalie whille everyone else works
#5 Sponsers come fast and furious
#4 You don't have to wear a took to the arena
#3 Don't have to worry about skate sharpens
#2 Don't Have to wait for the Zamboni
#1 The pucks so light even guys like me can raise!

G.Gillies #11
Team West

[RichardGraham]

Hi Folks,

We got enough entries in the Black Biscuit 2 Contest, and the huge IHC staff is now in the judging process. Winners, along with their winning entries, will be announced soon. The contest is officially closed.

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[Justin]

Just to clarify...

Judges DO accept money orders and personal checks. Please do not send cash unless it's over $100. Thank you.




PS. Kidding ... /wtimages/icons/wink.gif This contest will be judged as straight as a monkey's .... arm.

Sincerely,

Justin Nazarenko
Tech Guy
Inline Hockey Central

http://www.inlinehockeycentral.com/images/justin.jpg

[RichardGraham]

Justin,

I forgot to tell you.... only IHC staffers who submit a Top-10 list are eligible to judge. Sorry.

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[Justin]

Rich,

Rats..... Well, in fairness to everyone else, I didn't submit an entry! Yea.. Yea that's it!

Ah, but I guess I will have to leave it up to the rest of the IHC crew to come up with a winner!

PS. Good luck to everyone. Many good posts; I'm glad I'm just the web guy.

Sincerely,

Justin Nazarenko
Tech Guy
Inline Hockey Central

http://www.inlinehockeycentral.com/images/justin.jpg

[RichardGraham]

Hi Justin,

OK, OK, you can help judge the contest. (Baby.) The rest of the IHC staff is holding a meeting in the large conference room today at 2 p.m. EST. Don't be late, and don't forget the donuts! And remember, I like my coffee black.

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[RichardGraham]

Hi Folks,

Inline Hockey Central has determined the winners of the second Black Biscuit contest!

The winners will receive their choice of a cool Black Biscuit T-shirt (blue or black, long sleeve or short sleeve) or a hip knitted black beanie.

To win, readers had to post a Top-10 List pertaining to inline hockey on the Inline Hockey Central Message Board. The best three entries were judged by the Inline Hockey Central staff for humor, cleverness, wit, taste and topicality. OK, so taste wasn't much of a factor...

And the winners are...

1

Top 10 Reasons Roller is Better than Ice:

10. Shoulder pads come in women?s clothing
09. 2-1 is a soccer score
08. Red line, blue line, who gives a !@#$
07. Sponsors. Sponsors. Sponsors.
06. Chicks hate cold ice rinks
05. North American Ice Hockey Championships?
04. 10 full grown men in a 'zone' is a little more like Ann Arbor than I am used to
03. They have garter belts at Victoria Secret
02. Defense? we don't need no stinkin' defense
01. Just try a neutral-zone trap

Andrew MacMillan

Congratulations, Andy!

2

From the home offices in Philadelphia, PA...

"Top Ten Signs You Might Be a Collegiate Roller Hockey Player"

10. You've been kicked off of your "rink" by tennis players.
9. You've used a crushed beer can for a puck.
8. Your practice facility has a floor that teams from third world countries wouldn't play on, but you say, "It's cheap, we'll play."
7. You find sleeping on your equipment bag comfortable.
6. You've traded hockey equipment for food with a teammate at a restaurant between games because you don't have any money.
5. "Midget Tossing" and "Bikini Car Wash" sound like excellent, family-oriented fundraising ideas.
4. Two words: check request.
3. You finish a hockey game and go play your "other sport" -- beer pong.
2. You've ever used your equipment bag to sneak alcohol into a dorm and been caught because it smelt so bad that security made you open it thinking you had a body in it.

And the #1 sign you might be a collegiate roller hockey player...

1. The word "Huck" actually means something to you and isn't just a mispronunciation of another word.

John S. Osborne

Congratulations, John!

3

Top 10 reasons you might be a Redneck Roller Hockey player:

10. You have the ?Stars and Bars? taped to your helmet.
9. You don?t consider hockey tape as an accessory, but as a way of life.
8. Your team consists entirely of your kin.
7. After you win a tournament your fans, which are also made up entirely of your kin, stand up and discharge their sidearms with the ?Bonnie Blue Flag? playing in the background.
6. You consider the Hanson Brothers as the Second Coming of the Lord.
5. Your blue-ribbon cow Betsy makes it to all of your games.
4. You have ever found it necessary to re-use an item in a Top 10 list on IHC.
3. You have ever been reprimanded for an inappropriate post on IHC.
2. The teeth you?re missing are not due to a hockey-related incident but that pesky Depleted Uranium Hexafluoride that is being dumped under your practice facility.
1. You have found it necessary to stand in reverence when you were reading item number 6.

Mike_D

Congratulations, Mike!

Honorable Mention:

Top 10 indications that you?re getting upset when you?re playing roller hockey.

1. You believe that the other team is jealous because the voices are talking to you, not them!
2. You are starting to take the saying ?second place is the first loser? personally.
3. You honestly believe that good teammates will help you move and really good teammates will help you move bodies.
4. You?re running out of places to hide the bodies.
5. You think some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
6. You realize that an opposing team member is depriving some poor village of its IDIOT!
7. Because you rationalize hitting someone by saying ?He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.?
8. Because you remember that you only carry $20.00 worth of ammunition in your equipment bag.
9. You believe your upset stomach is due to a slight case of mood poisoning, and attribute it to something you hate.
10. You think the works of Pablo Neruda concerning ?laughter as the language of the soul? is the biggest load of crap you have ever heard in your life.

Mike_D

Inline Hockey Central and Black Biscuit would like to thank all those who submitted entries for the contest. Look for another contest on Inline Hockey Central soon!

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[RichardGraham]

Hi Mike,

Congratulations. You're a winner. But I'll need your snail-mail address to send you your Black Biscuit gear. Thanks!

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central

[John_S_Osborne]

Whoa! After placing 2nd in the little Black Biscuit Top Ten List contest, Rich sent me my prize, a sweet long sleeve Black Biscuit t-shirt in near record time. I got it Saturday. Here's a really dumb story about it...

Being a slovenly college student, I hadn't done my laundry in about two weeks, so the new t-shirt immediately jumped into the top spot of my rotation. I wore it on Saturday night to a costume party that a friend of mine told me "would not require me to be in costume." So, after walking in the front door and discovering that myself and three friends were the only people not in costume, I declared myself Black Biscuit Man (obviously intoxicated at this point) and claimed certain superpowers which will remain undisclosed to protect the innocent. Thankfully, the crowd did not look down on me as a shameless buffoon anymore than they normally do.

Just another way that IHC helps us all. ;)



---
John S. Osborne
Drexel University Roller Hockey Club

[RichardGraham]

Hi John,

Great story. Sure glad to know that "leaping through windows at parties and flying" wasn't one of the super powers that you gave to Black Biscuit Man!

Sincerely,

Richard Graham
Editor
Inline Hockey Central